seeking for the magical Truth...

left.

2007-05-31T11:30:00.000-07:00

I've moved.

It was good while it lasted.

Jazakallah.

zikral hijrah.

2007-01-20T07:11:00.000-08:00

Salam Alaik.

First of all, Happy New Year!
Selamat menyambut Zikral Hijrah 1428H.

The children asked whether there will be fireworks for this new year.
Haha. I'm afraid not, dear darlings.

This new year, I have some resolutions for myself.
I certainly hope that I can keep up with it, if not all, some at least.
It will a need lot of effort and may ALLAH swt help me.

1. a healthier mind and body. insya'allah.
2. to be a constant seeker of knowledge. insya'allah.
3. improve relationships with insan and Ilahi. insya'allah.
4. to stabalize the bank account for future use. insya'allah.
5. to work towards mardhatillah and istiqamah. insya'allah.
6. a reliable, resourceful, hardworking and an amanah educarer. insya'allah.
7. to work on my solat, puasa, recitation of the Al-Quran and my zikrullah. insya'allah.

Ustaz Ghouse said that, "If you think what you're doing is right, and it was a practice of the ulama', then don't look back, just go ahead with it. Berzikirlah."
He touched about the issue, of people who goes on and on, trying to stop majlis zikir and saying it's bid'ah (an invention).

Hadith Rasulullah saw, diriwayatkan oleh Imam Ahmad, At-Tirmizi &
Al-Baihaqqi dari Anas Ibn Malik: "Jika kamu melintas taman-taman syurga, maka hendaklah kamu berehat.
Para sahabat bertanya : Apakah itu taman-taman syurga?
Jawab Baginda saw. Kumpulan-kumpulan orang yang berzikir."
(Ada riwayat yang mengatakan majlis-majlis zikir)

The boy, who co-partner FR during the zikir selawat has a very mesmerizing voice. Masya'allah. It's very heart-warming to see a child who is able to do a good job, as that of the Ustaz himself. Alhamdulillah.
All is not lost for the youth of today. Insya'allah.

Fiamanillah!.

hold on, to my love

2006-12-10T19:15:00.000-08:00

In the name of Allah swt, the Most Kind and the Most Grand.

Last night, I stood witness as two individuals were bonded as one, in the name of Allah swt. I was in awe at the beauty and sweetness of the whole solemnisation process. Masya'allah.
With the shake of the kadi's and groom's hand, the echoing of 'sah' and many nonchalant nodding of heads, the bride belongs to the groom, to be loved, cherished and guided under the ways of Islam. Masya'allah.
A simple act that brings forth a thousand and one new duties and responsibilities for both bride and groom.

"Bersayang-sayanglah seperti Siti Hawa dan Adam as.
Bersayang-sayanglah seperti Siti Zulaikha dan Nabi Yusuf as.
Bersayang-sayanglah seperti Siti Khadijah ra dan Rasulullah saw"

Semoga mahligai yang telah dibina berkekalan hingga ke akhir hayat.
Insya'allah, ameen.
------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

The other day we brought the children out to a playground. On our way back, I took advantage of the outdoor to talk to the darlings about flowers and other natural occurence. When I was doing so, I can't help but think about the 3 girls and our IEP. Oh how I miss those times, that we spent together. If only we could relive those moments...just the four of us.

Its December, and its time to refurbish the whole classroom setting plus the corners. And this time round, we have a wing to ourselves, just us the K2 in one private "bungalow". Lots of work to be done, and deadline is drawing nearer. I am in no mood to start printing, laminating, cutting, pasting, labelling, decorating but do I have a choice? Obviously not.

Bestow upon me and the other believers, endless love, Ya Rabb!
Endless love which is kind, forgiving and everlasting.
And let us love only because of YOU.

art of deceiving

2006-12-03T23:51:00.000-08:00

May Peace Be Upon You, mankind...

You,

You see me with my hair, chest, neck and feet covered; but do not be mislead, I am not a perfect ummat, yet.

You saw me walking to the masjid; but do no be tricked, that actually rarely happens.

You heard me reading duas before I eat, and exclaimed my content by saying alhamdulillah; but do not be fooled, I forget most of the time.

You saw me smile; but do not be misinformed. I am smiling not because of contentment but its just to hide away the disappointment.

O Allah! I am still the weak one, while YOUR strength
has always been beyond comparison.
O Allah! I am still the one in need. Salvation lies within you, O Allah!
------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
For only YOU have the final say. Bring him back to the right path, Ya Rabb!
Let him see that the path he has taken has moved an inch to the dark side.

I wish I could do more to help, but for now, my duas are with you...

The NOSY niece (in stripes), and the equally NOSY aunt.

animals on the loose!

2006-11-26T23:44:00.000-08:00

Salam Alaik!
All Praises to Allah swt, the Creator for all.

My babies looked so cute, in costumes, face-painted and all. There was a cow, six birds and butterflies, six tigers, five monkeys, seven dragons and four clouds. All the practices that we had, the heartaches, the sorethroats, was worth it. Their performance was entertaining (according to feedbacks from the audience) and most importantly, we hope that it has somehow boost the children's confidence level.

I nearly teared when I was with the children, during the final song. It was afterall, the K2 children's last day of school. The colleagues labeled me as being too emotional, haha. Don't know how I will fair at my own class's graduation. Note: Place lots of tissue in pocket for that day.

Thanks een for helping out. Not afraid to come even though without ima.
Jasamu hanya Allah swt yang akan membalas. Insya'allah. Jazakillah!

Had my faraid and tafsir exam just now. The latter was manageable while the former one was ________. Will leave faraid to the professionals. Hehe.

i am ...

2006-11-19T23:53:00.000-08:00

All Praises Be to Allah, Lord of the Day and Night...

When I speak, I lie.
I put off my solat till the very last minute.
My Al-Quran lay my bedside, untouched for days at time.
I neglect Rasullullah's sunnah.
Mood swings are a norm to me, and I easily feel irritated.
I tend to be mean.
And when I make a promise, I break them.

I show all the signs of a person with weak iman. Astaghfirullahalazim.
What's happening to me, Ya Rabb?

I am feeling low spiritually. =(
And I do not like the feeling, not one bit.

Life has been all about work and more work. I am getting tired. Physically and emotionally. Parents nowadays are more demanding and thus I really have to 'pull up my socks'. My babies will be in the last stage of preschool next year and I have been given the responsibility to educate them till they graduate. Masya'allah, it is really one HEAVY responsibility.

I need your doa, dear pals....

Dear friends, can we rekindle the friendship we once held in glory.
I miss every single one of you.

..................................

"Biarkanlah cinta yang pernah wujud itu bermuara dengan sendirinya…di saat yang tepat..dengan seseorang yang tepat..dan pilihan yang tepat..hanya dari Allah SWT di saat dihalalkannya dua manusia untuk bersatu dalam ikatan pernikahan yang barakah…"

Ku sedar, ku hanya mampu berdoa buat masa ini...

goodbye Ramadhan, may we meet again. Insya'allah

2006-10-22T23:48:00.000-07:00

Salam Alaik.

That was it. The last taraweh session for this year.

Will that be my last taraweh?
I pray, not.

O Allah! Give me strength and health.
O Allah! Grant me iman and taqwa.
O Allah! Accept my ibadah and dua.
O Allah! Show me the right path.
Insya'allah. Ameen.

Tomorrow we will be bidding goodbye to the month of Ramadhan.
The month full of barakah and the month which contains the night of a thousand months. The special month filled with rahmah and maghfirah.
---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
And tomorrow, there will be an extravagant event somewhere at
Kampong Glam...

Saya rasa anda tahu acara gah apa yang sedang saya perkatakan. Acara yang hangat diperkatakan oleh banyak pihak. Juga diperdebat sewaktu khutbah solat Jumaat minggu lalu. Apakah patut, Ramadhan dan akhir Ramadhan diraikan sebegitu rupa? Dengan nyanyian, lawak jenaka dan tarian? Ada juga pertunjukan bunga api. Dan tidak lupa artis-artis yang menjadi idola ramai dari Singapura dan juga Malaysia. Wow, "hebatnya".

Apakah orang Melayu kita ini suka sangat akan hiburan? Hinggakan setiap hujung minggu wajib disajikan dengan hiburan. Hiburan yang melalaikan.
Akan hambar dan tidak bermaknakah Ramadhan kita tanpa hiburan?

Dan sesungguhnya saya bukan berkhutbah hanya meluahkan perasaan.

Kenapa saya berbahasa ibunda? Kerana saya tidak mahu orang bukan Melayu membaca luahan hati saya di atas. Saya tidak ingin untuk mempermalukan kaum sendiri.
Kaum melayuku, sedarlah...

touching.

2006-10-20T18:09:00.000-07:00

May Peace Be Upon All of Allah's Creation

I say; Petronas Malaysia makes one of the BEST advert there is on tv.
It touches hearts, it motivates and also inspires.
It also plays with your emotion. Some of the ad makes me laugh till my side aches, and some just makes my tears roll. =)

I share with you, this year's Eid advert from them.
And let me warn you, its tears inducing.

Petronas Advertisement: Raya 2006

You can search for more of this kind of heart-warming adverts, at YouTube by typing in Petronas Advertisement. Watch and reflect...
May we gain something from all this. Insya'allah, ameen.

home-made cookies : baked with love

2006-10-16T23:05:00.000-07:00

Bismillah.

Zilch home-made cookies for Eid.

This year, the women in the household, thinks that when it comes to cookies; buying is more worthwhile than baking. But the daughters has firmly adviced the mumsie against buying any 'weird' kuihs. Like the sliced watermelon-shaped cookie we had last year, though attractive, is tasteless. So we will stick to the must-haves this year; tarts, suji-s, makmur-s... the evergreen lovelies.

One fact about me: I do not favour kuihs that is made using flour.
Like kuih tart, makmur, suji, semperit, dahlia, bangkit, sarang semut... you get my point. Chocolate chip cookies, not a problem to the throat though.

And macroons from ima, is most welcomed. =)

ohhh yes, educarers have homeworks too.
LOTS of it.

i fear MOST from human = rejection.
so don't tell me that; 'the time to express love, is now'.

there's never a right time for me to express mine.

...

2006-10-14T23:37:00.000-07:00

In the name of Allah the Most Kind and the Most Grand.

Feeling jealous, all for the wrong reasons.
Ya Rabb! I am still an ungrateful creation, rarely appreciating your abundance of gift. Teach me if you must, ya rabb...!

My mind, a complete mess.
What with the bag of back-dated jobs and now the children's reports for the coming PTC. And to top of it all off, November is coming and my children have not start practicing their item for the graduation.
My brain feel like bursting, just thinking of what I should be doing.

Worldly matters aside.
Today, it's already 21 Ramadhan. The month of barakah will be leaving us soon, all too soon. I have not reaped enough, Ya Rabb.
Give me the age and strength I need to meet and greet another Ramadhan, Ya Rabb, I promise to put in more effort in my ibadah. Insya'allah, ameen.

2006-09-24T05:58:00.000-07:00

2006-09-16T23:54:00.000-07:00

May Peace Be Upon You,

"Hi! My name is so-and-so, I'm a mother of two. And the problem that I have with my children is that the older child is a sulker and the younger one doesn't seem to be eating well."

"I am so-and-so. My son is 3 and he is seldom focused whenever we are spending time together, like reading a book together. I just started placing him in a childcare and I noticed he is always asking me to carry him whenever we walk to school. He is a totally different person in school and at home."

"Hi! My name is so-and-so, I have seventeen 5 year olds under my care. I have this child who wants things to go his way, everytime and everywhere. There is a child who does not understands that I am angry with him, and shows no remorse. And there is this girl and that boy and this boy and that girl...."

You can make a guess which statement actually came from me.

I was at Julia Gabriel's workshop for 'Disciplining Young Children'.
It was partly like a revision lesson for PPCM, to the educarers.
Hearing from the parents, I think children nowadays are really a challenge, not only at school but at home too. Even a simple act like eating at the dining table and putting on one's shoe has become an issue and parents are seeking for professional's advices.

What happened to innocent, hassle-free children like me and the rest of you who are born before the 1995 era? Personally I feel that, the fault does not only lie within the children. Parents and other caregivers/role models are to be blamed too.

But then again, these parents who attended the workshop are mainly expat parents and also locals who are filty-rich with career women, so its perfectly understandable why their children are behaving the way there are.
You know, I know... =)

"Setiap anak dilahirkan dalam keadaan fitrah , ibu bapanyalah yang menjadikannya Yahudi, Nasarani atau pun Majusi".
(Hadis Rasulullah Sallallahu Alaihi Wasallam).

My skins for Hari Raya is ready.
Hopefully my enthusiasm, to attain Allah's pardons and love in the month of Ramadhan is much greater than my enthusiasm untuk beraya. Amin.

Didn't realize that I actually, basically only have 2 groups of colour.

Greeny and orangey.

But alhamdulillah, that I have new clothes to put on this Syawal.

ku pohon cinta insan yang mencintaiMu

2006-09-08T23:57:00.000-07:00

Assalammualaikum.

I am going to say anything and everything that comes to mind.
Albeit, boring and confusing.

I had dinner with the best pal last Wednesday, at CP's Banquet.
Halal already now.

I didn't get to watch Ghost Game. Too many postponing of our movie date-lah kak. Now we have to wait for VCDs.

I dislike this constant thinking of what to write in the lesson plan. My last stage of mentoring would be on this Monday, and as per normal, I am not ready. What's new?

Come Monday, need to teach the children about the
'men in blue'. So how, what to teach...what to teach?

I didn't regret spending hours on public transport to and fro, just so that I could get myself to Expo, yesterday night.

Habib Ahmad made many cry their heart out. ='(
Fully grown men and himself included.

Keinsafan. Insya'allah.

Ya Rabb....!
Sesungguhnya aku mengaku aku banyak meninggalkan solat.
Sesungguhnya aku mengaku aku banyak meninggalkan Al QuranMu.
Sesungguhnya aku mengaku aku ini tidak layak masuk ke syurgaMu.

Ya Rabb, perbetulkanlah akidah Islamku. Berikanlah ku keimanan dan ketaqwaan. Peliharalah agamaku, solatku, auratku and ibadahku. Jadikan dirku ini senantiasa dalam keadaan tawaduk dan diselubungi rasa keinsafan. Ameen, ya rabbal alameen.

Nisfu Syaaban has come and left. 2 more weeks to Ramadhan.

To ensure results are real and true.
I need to clear my heart of any bias thoughts before indulging in the ritual.

And yes, aunt aggie, 1 week of silence would be hard for me.
But like it or not, it is for the best.
For the best of us.

I have left two things among you, and you will not stray as long as you hold them fast; one is the Book of God, the other the Laws of His Messenger. - Rasulullah saw

2006-09-03T23:41:00.000-07:00

"I've come to a frightening conclusion that I am a decisive element in my classroom. My personal approach creates the climate. My daily mood makes the weather. As a teacher, I possess a tremendous power to make a child's life miserable or joyous. I can be a tool of torture or an instrument of inspiration. I can humiliate or humour, hurt or heal. In all situations, it is my response that decides whether a crisis will be escalated or deescalated and a child is humanized or dehumanized."
Haim Ginnot

Had my first official Teacher's Day Celebration, last Thursday. The feeling of being appreciated and remembered by the children and the parents is great. Alhamdulillah. But I am not saying that a present equals to love and remembrance. Of course, not.

Life has been hmmmm..... okay? Hamdalah.
Very routine-ized. Sleep, work, eat, get online, sleep, eat, work...
Mundane.
But in this line, the surprise element is always there. You'll never know when a child chooses to 'surprise' you with his/her antics.
*kids,kids...*

I was at JB, at a particular hotel on Friday and half of my sunny Saturday. Had my first ever Staff Night and then a sleepover with my 3 of
my colleagues. The event was sungguh tiring for me because I was the programmer for the night.
The night was deem as a success. Many were seen enjoying themselves though the food served was not that well received by the many hard-core Malay throats. Still, alhamdulillah.

Yeah, event over!!! No more meetings. yeaaaah! =)

PS: Irliana dear, I will post the event pictures as soon I get pictures from the other cameras okay? Not many pictures of me. Boo hoo.
Only because I was the camerawoman. Boo hoo hoo.

aku ingin menjadi mimpi indah dalam tidurmu
aku ingin menjadi sesuatu yang mungkin bisa kau rindu

2006-08-21T01:19:00.000-07:00

I want to type a proper entry. I tried, but I can't.
Kept hitting the DEL button.

I regret __________. I really shouldn't have.
Should have just remained silent.

Ima, my aunt aggie, once again. Syukran Khathir.

"love doesn't rely on daily conversation and don't let insecurity spoil what you have..."

too absorbed in worldly matters ey? i guess its time to repent.
there is LIFE after the one here.

remember?

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~post edited~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

I let 7 days past...
I sent one.
Then got one from you.
Sent another one.
Hoping for another.
But NO, silence was all I got.

unwise move taken, hurh?

Oh yes. I am very insecure.

ikhtiar.
doa.
isthikharah.
kemudian.
redha.

direka.
bukan.
untuk.
hanya.
mencari.
cinta.
insani.

sedarlah.

2006-08-13T23:41:00.000-07:00

May Peace Be Upon You,

My absence from blogging is due to many reasons;
1) I am too lazy to blog.
2) I am too busy with work.
3) I have nothing interesting to talk about.
4) I have no longer have the drive and enthusiasm to blog.
5) I am too lazy, too lazy, too lazy, too lazy AND too lazy.

Work has been fine, the usual. After 4 months, I have got the hang of working with this 5 year olds. Can better predict and understand the children's behaviour too. Alhamdulillah.
Two out of three stages of my mentoring, done. Hamdalah.
The second mentoring, by the childcare's curriculum team, is a surprise visit, could have happen anywhere and anytime. So last Friday, she finally showed up and gave me 10 minutes to prepare the children and my lesson. I am so glad it's over! No more having to be 'on my toes' all the time. Yeah!
Now, left with my final mentoring on Sept 11. Have to work on my learning corners. Any volunteers? Een? Hehe. =)

I have always think that hippos are cute and I have always wanted one of my own. Thank you for remembering that and getting me one. Thank you Amilin! That was sure a nice and sweet of you. Now, a cute blue hippo sits by my room's mirror.

They say, you will only truly cherish someone's presence, when they're gone. It might be true sometimes, but not this time round, for me.
I cherish your presence and your absence will only make the heart grow fonder, I'm sure. Insya'allah.

I will miss everything about you...and just compiling pictures of you and me, left me with teary eyes, already. Take good care of yourself while you're abroad, study well and work well, I trust that you can do that.
You can be sure that no engagement or wedding of mine will take place while you're away (durh! no one is interested-lah babe. hehe).
Good luck with work, love and everything else.
I love you, babe!
And I am sure many in Singapore will be missing you sooooo, the girl who always put others before self.
May Allah swt grant you everything that is good. Insya'allah, ameen.

Do you believe in love at first sight, or do I have to walk by again? Hehe.

2006-07-29T23:04:00.000-07:00

My dream zauj...

One who will be the garment for my soul.
Who will fulfill half of my deen and in doing so, make me whole.

One who is righteous and always on Allah's path in all that he do and say.
And one who will sprinkle water on me at Fajr, reminding me to pray.

One who earn from halal sources and spend within his means.
Who seek Allah's guidance always to fulfill all his dreams.

One who always refer to the Al Quran and the Sunnah as his moral guide.
Who thank and appreciate Allah for me, the woman by his side.

One who is conscious of his anger and often fast and pray.
Who is charitable and sensitive in every possible way.

One who is abundant in love and laughter in taqwa and in sincerity
and in striving for the hereafter.

One who honour and protect me and guide me in this life.

And please Allah make me worthy to be his loving wife...

Insya'allah. Ameen.

2006-07-07T13:17:00.000-07:00

May Peace Be Upon You.

When I see a pretty lady, my mind speaks like this:
"Hey! He is better off with her..."
When I spot an examplary muslimah, the brain whispers this:
"Hey! He is better off with her..."

Even at this age I am still battling with my own self esteem.
Haiz.

At this stage of life, I am surrounded with friends and colleagues who often talks about marriage and preagnancy. These talks sometimes get too overwhelming that it sets me thinking of my own future. I will not lie, I do think about it quite a lot.
Who doesn't want to get married and have children, you tell me?

2 incidents occured on last Friday and Sunday that will leave a HUGE hole in my pocket. Tests of patience and endurance from the Almighty, I am sure.
Time to do some self-reflection.
What did I do wrong, that I am 'awarded' with this 2 incidents.

Hmmm....

Kerana kita muslim, syariat Islam harus dijaga.
Tetapi kerana saya manusia, rindu di hati tetap dirasa.

Random: my smile on smiles2006.com

2006-06-29T21:14:00.000-07:00

i wish i could blame singtel, for the silence of my handphone.
no incoming smses. no incoming calls.
silence, is golden.
but not for this context, i am sure.

friends, where are you?

maybe i give too little and expect too much.

yes, maybe it's just me.

i am so tired. the partner have been on mc since yesterday.
and i have been covering duties of others.
coming in earlier = lesser sleep. argh!
holiday has ended, so i am entertaining at least 30 full of energy lives.
and since partner will be on mc again tomorrow, i won't get to tag along to the *secret location* for the staff night's recce with my babe, irliana and the others.
haiz.

get well soon, partner!

i am tired. i stress that again. and my body is aching.

and i feel lonely.

sad.

the gift has been bought, even ribboned.
card has been custom made.

but... ouh, nevermind.

i will try to make myself happy and contented.

i will have to get use to this.

2006-06-25T23:59:00.000-07:00

May Peace Be Upon You.

Exactly one week ago, I was in NP attending the graduation's dinner with my mum and friends and a friend's mum.
The western buffet definitely deserve two thumbs up from me.

Sat at table 15 with 4 other ECH people.
And I even got to take a picture with the best pal,
'american-prom nite'-like. Free of charge.

..............................on to a totally unrelated topic.........................

No matter what you say, I still have my doubts.
I am still afraid.

But.

I am giving it a shot, I am giving you my trust.
But I won't be surprised if things don't go my way again.

For we can only plan...

And the heart wishes to speak...

"O Allah, he who is meant for me, let him love me more than i love him.
I am very sure that my love for him can multiply with every passing moment, but i am uncertain whether he can do the same, when it comes to loving me.

And for he who is not meant for me, let him love me not and let me not have love for him. Makes everything easy, like that.

Love is complicated i was told but for a simpleton like me, let me have it easy, light and hearty. Something memorable that will last for a lifetime and comes with at least 3 mini-me. Hehe."

2006-06-23T23:59:00.000-07:00

Salam Alaik!

They say a picture speaks a thousand words...
A video which consists of pictures and a very good song;
I guess will speak a million words...

AGM was really an emotional one. And our objective for having this video made was met when Zam and Farhan was seen leaving the room for they no longer could hold back their tears. Tissue papers were being passed around the room.
And as for me, I just wiped the tears away with my fingers...

Our official ties as NPMSS exco 05/06 might have ended but if we make the effort, our friendship will last for a lifetime, insya'allah. For those who had been re-elected, congratulations and work hard in creating a good name for mss. I might no longer physically be in the society, but my heart and soul is still there. Too many fond memories has been created in the blue clubhouse, 73-03-01, too many that it's not possible to erase all away. The many fond memories I have there....with aura till late nights to finish up assignments, with the excos to have meetings and one failed love story started out there too.

NPMSS helped in moulding me, to whom I am today. I met many great souls here and along the way picked up many invaluable skills and life-lessons. And the great souls whom I met, I am so glad that they became a part of my life. Once you're a part of me, I hope to hold you dear till my memory fails me. Insya'allah.

Bila yang tertulis untukku
Adalah yang terbaik untukmu
Kan kujadikan kau
Kenangan yang terindah dalam hidupku

Namun takkan mudah bagiku
Meninggalkan jejak hidupku
Yang telah terukir abadi
Sebagai kenangan yang terindah...

this is not goodbye.

Ya ALLAH! Kekalkanlah persahabatan ini...

a new song for the blog. mr smiley got me hooked .

2006-06-17T23:59:00.000-07:00

Assalammualaikum.

It was a night out with friends from NPMSS. The feeling was nice. To be able to mingle and talk with the people I used to hang out, a lot with. Most of the attendees were graduates, me being one of them. Hehe. =)

The 20 of us had our dinner at Lau Pa Sat. And satay-s were courtesy of Tzul, the SISPEC army boy. And since most of the boys are now serving the nation, they talked non-stop about NS. Argh! But despite that, I still had fun cause (I was with people I am comfortable with) they did talk about other stuffs like marriage (Masy's favourite topic), World Cup (yawn!) and basically just updating each other with regards to work and all.

Ima, I am so glad you came despite being tired and all. And yeah, I finally gave you the 3 cheek-kisses, you have been wanting. Hehehe.

Tonight was nice.
Can we have more of this?
Minus the talk about NS, of course.

2006-06-16T23:59:00.000-07:00

May Peace Be Upon You,

1506006 - Thursday

After 3 years of 'hard' work. I got my 1 minute of fame on stage, and an empty red scroll. The announcer pronounced my name right and I am thankful for that. No one fell on stage or off stage, alhamdulillah. The only confusing part was the official photographing part, I don't exactly know where to see and where to smile. Hopefully the picture turns out fine.

We have finally graduated. The school has finally gotten rid of us. The ECH department no longer needs to print warning letters for this student here, especially. It's a mixture of emotions to have finally graduated. The real life struggle has 'officially' started. (Mine started already) More paper chasing? Insya'allah. But for now, I am kind of comfortable at where I am. Not fully contented but still alhamdulillah.

This institution of higher learning has taught me a lot. Besides the education given, the institution also gave me oppurtunity to forge friendships with so many then beautiful strangers, now companions. Thank you NP. You made me to who I am today. Imperfect but okay-lah. Hehe. =)

I pray to Allah that our friendship will last for an eternity.
I am glad that all of you are part of my life...

2006-06-13T23:58:00.000-07:00

May Peace Be Upon You.

The phone was quiet most of the time. No messages, no calls.
The silence... argh!
I decided to switch off the phone.

No messages from you, means none from me too. *smirks
Ohhh, you have just made Miss Ego come to life.

Yesterday, we had our loooong overdue meet-up.
Food was good, company was great. What more can I ask for?
Alhamdulillah.

Thank you A.U.R.A for spending quality time with me.

2 more days to the big day. Make doa that I do not make a fool out of myself onstage and offstage. Insya'allah, ameen.

2006-06-10T23:55:00.000-07:00

May Peace Be Upon You.

At 9.30am on a beautiful Saturday, when most of you are still tucked in bed... I was UP and working....

40 pieces of mattresses all waiting to be wiped and disinfected by me.
Hard work, but beats sitting down and doing paper work. Harh.

After work, went to Mei Ling St with the colleagues.
Attended a wedding. A purple wedding. Very niceee.
The mother of the groom is our Nursery 1 teacher. And the groom's youngest brother is my student, just thought you would want to know. =)

After the wedding, it was time for school.
Walked into campus at 5pm on a Saturday in a baju kurung.
I got weird stares from the guards as I walked past by their post. Hehe.

The school is ready to celebrate our graduation. Excitingggg...!

Today, we had our last official exco meeting. Muhasabah diri.
Those words I got from all of you were priceless. I could not believe my ears. And those tears were genuine. You all touched me with your words.
I never thought I could inspire anybody.... really.

2006-06-04T20:19:00.000-07:00

Salam Alaik!

Went shopping with mum, mama and aunt, yesterday.
The condition of the aunt is much, much better. Alhamdulillah.
Ate at Hajjah Maimunah. A must have when you're there is their ayam bakar. Sedaap! Finger licking good to me.

Out of greed, I bought for myself 4 pairs of shoes.
Actually, not being greedy but I really do need new shoes.
The old ones are already in bad shape, really.
I love my new buys. Alhamdulillah, syukur.

Was at school for 3 consecutive days. Interviewed a bunch of very promising youth, to form the next batch of NPMSS exutive comm. It was rather tiring but a great new experience for me. And the company is good, always has been. And I just have to add this in, HAKIM giler!

Hehehe.

Thank you for the CDSs eh, abang polisi! All the best for your national service. Hopefully they treat you good arh boy!
Semoga didalam perlindugan ALLAH swt selalu, hendaknya.
Insya'allah, ameen.

and let the love rekindle...

2006-05-30T11:44:00.000-07:00

Assalammualaikum.

Yesterday, we went to a vegetable farm which was B-O-R-I-N-G!
I remembered it being much nicer the other time I went with my secondary school's hydrophonics club.
And after that, to a goat farm which was nicer. I got to feed the goatsss!
BEST!

And I think I am very lucky to have _________ as my principal.
She is so nice and understanding.
The other day, she overheard me telling a colleague that I was sleepy and her immediate response was to tell me to grab a mattress and sleep! Hehe.
And just today, she smsed me addressing me as 'adik'.
Hahaha. Felt so pampered by her. =)

Alhamdulillah.

Going for my first aid course soon with the pretty girl.
Siapa lagik kalau bukan, Irliana Irwan Tay....
And I have to come out with this year's Staff Night programme,
together with my lovely Kak Nisa.

Okay, I realize today's entry is all about work. Hmmmmm...
Can't help it. My life revolves around it.

2006-05-28T23:53:00.000-07:00

Salam Alaik!

Still clueless but much much better. Alhamdulillah.

PTC is over and done with. Yeeehaaaa!
The week before the PTC, was really tormenting.
Biasalah...doing things at the very last minute.

Very little sleep, cans after cans of Nescafe and Red Bull, hundreds of hours in front of the laptop, printing, colouring, writing, filing, punching holes and bla bla bla. I am soooo glad it's over!

Picture taken at 8.50pm, 11 hours before the PTC itself.
I was nowhere near complete and poor me had no one but myself. Unlike the other colleagues who brought in husbands and boyfriends to help and Irliana, I was told brought in her own TEAM of helpers. Chet!!!

Received a letter from NP. An invitation for a graduation dinner and dance on 18 June. And should be going with the mother unless she backs out at the last moment. (She better not!)

And I am having very terrible mood swings, this week. Very bad!

I think it's a blessing to be blessed with sensitivity. To be able to sense emotions and feelings-of-the-moment. Even if I had broke down in tears, no one would have noticed. Why? Cause I was all alone. Sad.

O Allah! Forgive me of my ignorance, thus far.

Smiles were faked.

2006-05-19T15:07:00.000-07:00

Ya Allah!

Sometimes...
I am so clueless to why certain events are happening in my life.

Allah, you know what is best for me.
You give me tests that I am capable of facing.

Guide me Allah so that I won't take the wrong steps.
And give me all the strength I need to face them.

Do not let me be an ingrateful creation of yours, Ya Allah!

===========================================
Baby Siti came to visit today!
She is soooooo pretty and smiley. Masya'allah.
And she has natural hazel brown eyes.
Kakak sungguh jealous tau! Hehe.

2006-05-18T22:52:00.000-07:00

Assalamualaikum!

16 full reports + pictures to be submitted by Monday.
Income tax forms to be filled in and posted, by this weekend.
Hadith to be memorized for exam this Sunday.
Research paper on puasa to be handed in on Sunday.
Classroom environment to be updated by Tuesday.
To do research for lesson webbing for next 3 months of class.
Treasurer's file to be updated.

Pening, pening...kepalaku pening.

Cracking my brain to answer a questionnaire on Unicef's children's right and child care centre act.
Should not have agreed to doing it. Hehe. Susah banget!!!

The weather is now sooooo humid eh?
Its too warm for comfort. Tough to get the children to sleep.
And because of that, teacher cannot sit down and rest in the
air-conditioned staff hangout area. Hehe.

Totally unrelated...
Tomorrow, going to Lau Pa Sat with the excos. Taufik belanja!
Yeaaaah, long live Taufik! Hehe. =P
I want to eat satay and chicken wings. Yum, yum! =)
================================= =====
Mencari cinta yang akan terbalas.

2006-05-16T01:17:00.000-07:00

Salam Alaik

Welcome to the club babe!

Happy 21st birthday!

I pray that Allah swt, grant you with happiness and everything that is good in this world and hereafter. You have been a great pal, an excellent listener and a lovely companion. May we have more glorious years of friendship ahead.

And may Allah answer, prayers of this humble servant.

When the world seem to go against you and nothing seem to go your way, remember that you have me and most importantly ALLAH swt.

I l o v e u.

Hugs and kisses,
me.

2006-05-14T22:34:00.000-07:00

No words can sum up the gratitude I have towards you.

Syukran ya ummi, for everything...

2006-05-13T04:03:00.000-07:00

May Peace Be Upon You.

12.05.06 - a date to be remembered.

a sms came my way:
a) that made me all confused
b) that made me ponder over my future
c) that made kakak laughed and cried out, "told you so!"

I always prayed for something like this to happen.
But something unlike this.

I asked you, why now?

*post edited.
========================================
In less than 3 hrs, I will have to unlock the doors of my workplace and the "great" thing is that, I have not yet sleep. How to? Neurons in the brain running amok, symbolizing a stressed up me with too many things to think about.

1) Fiqh and Metodologi Kajian Exam on Sunday
2) PTC report of 17 children (due on 16/5)
3) Health condition of the favourite aunt

And you added on to the list.

"Bila nak jumpa nieeeeee?
1 meet up before convo, at the very least.

And I'm the whiny queen according to kuda nazak.
Macam betul jerrrr.
I always thought I'm the kind-hearted queen?
Apa sey...."

2006-05-12T23:59:00.000-07:00

May peace be upon You.

1) Don't be too good, I will miss you.
Don't be too caring, I might like you.
Don't be too sweet, I might fall for you.

It's hard for me to love you when you won't love me after all...

Bottom-line: A person who makes me love him is actually a person who loves me more than I love him.

2) If someone comes into your life and becomes a part of you,
but for some reasons he couldn't stay, don't cry too much.
Just be glad that your paths crossed and; somehow he made you happy even for a while.

Bottom-line: Time will tell. If he's yours he will surely come back.

3) Don't throw your back to love when it's already in front of you.
Don't drive it away from you because if you do, someday you'll think again why you let love fly away when it was once residing next to you.

Bottom-line: Treasure the one who loves you!
It's not easy to find a person who loves you.
It's always more valuable to have a sincere heart.

4) The greatest regrets in our lives are the risks we did not take.
If you think something will make you happy, GO FOR IT.
Remember that we pass this way only once.

Bottom-line: Time doesn't wait. If you think you might have found the right one, treasure the person, don't let that person get away.
Don't let fear hold you back. Give it a try else you might regret later.

"No one other than ourselves know what can truly make us happy."

Thank you *aini for the lovely email.
Like you knew, what was about to happen....
---------------------------------------------------------------
A student asked his teacher: What is love?

The teacher answered: In order to answer your question, go to the paddy field and choose the biggest paddy and come back. But the rule is, you can go through them only once and cannot turn back to pick.

The student went to the field and went through the first row. He saw one big paddy, but he wondered, maybe there is a bigger one later. He saw a bigger one, but maybe there is an even bigger one waiting for him. Later, after he went through more than half of the paddy field, he started to realize that the paddy is not as big as the previous ones he saw. He knew he had missed the biggest one, and he regretted it. He ended up going back to the teacher with empty hands.

The teacher told him: This is love. You keep looking for a better one, but when you realize you have already missed THE ONE FOR YOU, it is too late.

The student asked: What is marriage then?

The teacher said: In order to answer your question, go to the corn field and choose the biggest corn and come back. But the rule is, you can go through them only once and cannot turn back to pick.

The student went to the corn field, this time he was careful not to repeat the previous mistake. When he reached the middle of the field, he picked one medium corn he felt satisfied with, and came back to the teacher.

The teacher told him: This time you brought back a corn. You looked for one that is just nice, which you have FAITH in, and stick with it with the BELIEF that this is the best one for you.
That is marriage.

Something I got from a stranger's blog.
---------------------------------------------------------------------
One thing to bear in mind, ______ is more or less something uncertain,
but ______ is now otherwise.

one confused girl, at heart. =(

but ima, my best aunt aggie. syukran ya ukhti!

Tapi ku percaya, semua telah tertulis.

2006-05-10T23:56:00.000-07:00

*post is deleted.

no rights to give anyone a bad name.
no one deserves it.

love letter to my darling (x17)

2006-05-08T23:06:00.000-07:00

Dear darling (x17),

I know its difficult at times, to comprehend and understand how I behave around all of you.

I laugh with you, laugh at you, make you face the wall, banish you to countless time-out moments; but at the end of the day, still offer you a smile when you're whisked away from my arm.

I know at your age, you cannot apprehend why I stop you, from doing what you're doing. Something you adore and enjoy.
But to my eye, an act of folly.

I know some of you hate me, for always raising my voice and scolding.

I even realize that I might not be the best one for you...

But dear darling, just like you, who is a student, and learning
I am still learning too, to be a good teacher. A great educarer.
Someone who will do her best at educating and caring for you and you.

Darling, it's for your own good that I am being me. Strict and naggy.
Someone has to get the job done.

Do you know, dear darling, I worry everytime I make you tear those innocent tears?
I wish I could kiss your tears/pain away.

I blame myself for your peculiar behaviour and wished I had done better in educating you.

I was never a perfectionist. But I am now, since it's about you.

Darling...

One day, one fine day... you will find out that I unintentionally make you tear, so that you will learn what is right and what is wrong. And the
time-out that I gave is something valuable and will teach you a life lesson, no money can buy.

Trust me on this.
I was once a child, like you. I have been there.

All I want is for all of you to grow up wise, smart and
children-like. To be accepted and loved by others.
Your family, other children and the community at large.

When you're older and more wiser.
I believe you will look back and realize what I did was right.
I hope so.... I really do.

Darling, no matter what they say about us, I won't give up on you yet.
And I hope you don't give up on this new and still learning teacher.

No matter how much I complain to others, on how all of you make my blood boil, my migraine come a-knocking...

I love you still. (x17)

We will brisk walk/crawl/hop/waddle/skip to the ending line.
Hand in hand?
Side by side.

Your graduation.
My proudest moments.

Insya'allah.
Ameen.

With love,
Teacher Ann

2006-05-07T22:43:00.000-07:00

Why do I have this great feeling that the girl you're hinting at, is ME?

If only the words you have expressed in those sms-es, were said back then.

Then again, if only...

i prefer the other one.

puisi hati,

2006-05-04T18:50:00.000-07:00

Puisi hati

Aku punya rasa rindu di hati.
Rasa rindu yang tidak terperi.
Buat seorang insan yang tiada disisi.

Terserlah kejahilan diri.
Kerana sepatutnya rasa rindu khas pada Ilahi.
Yang senantiasa menemani.

Ku akui...
Lemahnya diri.
Alpanya diri.

Ya Allah yang Maha Memberi.
Hadirkanlah keinsafan dan keimanan dalam hati hambamu ini.

Semoga kekosongan hati dapat diisi.

Diisi penuh dengan rasa sayang dan rindu buatMu, Ilahi...

Ameen.

numero uno is sick.

2006-05-03T20:37:00.000-07:00

Salam Alaik.

I turned 21, 5 days ago.

Thank you ALL for the well wishes.

Thank you Ulfah and E'en for the special blog entry.

Thank you Irliana and Halimatussa'diah for the birthday hug.

The birthday wish I so badly wanted, never came............
----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
The test result is out. The sad news is in.
The doctor has confirmed it.
It's cancer. Stage 4. No less.

The cancerous cells has spread all over the body.
Even the experts can't tell the source.

I cried and I cried. How can I not?
How do I hold back?

She's my numero uno.

The cure is with Allah swt.
Thus, in HIM we lay our trust.

For HE knows best.

2006-04-25T23:42:00.000-07:00

May Peace Be Upon You.

The handphone beeps. A message is received. I press 'read'.
My eyes go straight to seeing the sender's name.

90% of the time, it's your name I HOPE to see.

Yeah, I am that bias.
I cannot alter that biasness, not yet. Apologies.

Yippeee, the children are going for swimming tomorrow.
And I am not on duty at the pool. Thus I will have time to work on my activity sheets and only handle 7 of the non-swimmers.

Anyway dear readers,presenting to you, the 17 lives that have kept me busy for the past 21 days.

All of them, except for the girl right beside me, are MINE.
My source of sore throat, nose bleed, flu and migraines.

But still...it's them that I adore.

"all your bags are packed and you're ready to go...."
"goodbye."

2006-04-23T23:57:00.000-07:00

Salam Alaik

Yesterday we had a picnic by the beach.
And they surprised me with an 'early' birthday celebration.
They gave me a blackforest cake from Polar.
I like. And I've been craving for it actually....

Thank you YEP@Cambodia team-mates!! =)

If you only knew....

random

2006-04-14T14:36:00.000-07:00

Salam Alaik.

Arhhhh yes, my brain is so jumbled up. Like that.
But on a happier note, at least its filled and not empty ehh...

That jpeg file also explains why I seldom update this blog of mine. All those colourful lines circulating around my brain has caused a blogger's block. Can't seem to pen down my thoughts and feelings.

Work has been ______________. Argh!
But am enjoying it at the same time.
I need to revamp my classroom so that it will help me in the managment of my children. Right now, the main focus would be on classroom management and disciplining techniques for the ultimate degil children.

At now, my other thoughts at random.

Bid'ah, bid'ah... tak habis-habis.
Debate on the same topic every year. Muak!
Let's settle it this way, you with your own sets of principles and I, with mine. Peace.

And the other you, quit playing games with my heart, can?

Zikrullah, penyejuk hati dan penenang jiwa.

Astaghfirullah robbaal baroyaa, astaghfirullah minnal khotoya.

2006-04-05T23:55:00.000-07:00

The past seems to be resurfacing.

chanthrea

2006-04-02T22:55:00.000-07:00

May Peace Be Upon You,

I wished I didn't have to let go of him and he, of me. And look at his hand, he is wearing the bracelet I gave. =)

He got Samphors to write to me.

To: Sister Annisha

I wish you good luck when you fly. I will miss you a lot. I'm sorry I don't know English but I ask Samphors she help me.
I love you I will remember you everyday.
I wish you a good luck good dream good health more clever very beautiful success with your family and friends.

Love,
Chanthrea

Everytime, every single time, I read his letter, the tears will never fail to flow.

I pray that happiness will be forever yours Chanthrea. I might be million miles away from you, but you will always be remembered.

As much as I still want to sit and reminisce about my days at Cambodia...
Life moves on.

Life is about to change, bit by bit, day by day, for me.

I am starting a new phase in life, soon.

O Allah! Give me strength that I need.

why complain?

2006-03-31T23:57:00.000-08:00

Salam Alaik!

Why complain about your clothes and your shoes?
Why complain about your toys and gadgets?

Just be thankful for the good things that you have.
Oh! Be thankful for the good things that you have.

The good things that you have, are for many JUST a DREAM.

So be thankful for the good things that you've got.

I have learnt that I have taken many things for granted. For example, the potable tap water in Singapore, the clean air that goes through my lungs every second and even my family.

The Cambodia trip opened my eyes to all these. And the true warriors of life, the orphans from the LOVE house became my teachers. Gave me priceless life altering experiences that hopefully I will remember throughout my life.

The next time I open my mouth to complain about food, I should be reminded of the poor child who lay lifeless by the roadside at Phnom Penh. The next time I complain about my parents, I should be reminded of the young orphans from the LOVE house whom have NO parents of their own. The next time I complain about not having the latest gadget in the market, I should be reminded of the poor in Cambodia who have not even heard of or seen a laptop, their whole entire life.

Bottomline, I need to learn to be more appreciative, be more thankful. Period.

Alhamdulillah atas segala pemberian yang Maha Esa.

Ya Allah! Jadikanlah ku hambaMU yang lebih bersyukur akan segala nikmat yang telah diberi olehMU.

am back

2006-03-30T23:52:00.000-08:00

Salam Alaik

I am back for good. Safe and sound. Alhamdulillah.

My 14 days there was SUPERB.

The experiences gained was PRICELESS.

I will return to the LOVE house, if possible. Insya'allah.

Dear children of the LOVE House,

Each and everyone of you are the true warriors of life. You had to deal with hardship that I had never once experience or even heard off. All of you are talented and unique in one way or another. All of you became teachers to me. Taught me to be more appreciative with whatever I have. You also taught me to love unconditionally. I learnt from the best and I learnt it all from you. My salutations to all...

All the best to all of you. God Bless.

I'm on the top of the world lookin' down on creation
And the only explanation I can find
Is the love that I've found ever since you've been around
Your love's put me at the top of the world.

Something in the wind has learned my name
And it's tellin' me that things are not the same
In the leaves on the trees and the touch of the breeze
There's a pleasin' sense of happiness for me.

There is only one wish on my mind
When this day is through I hope that I will find
That tomorrow will be just the same for you and me

miss me yarh

2006-03-17T11:24:00.000-08:00

Salam Alaik!

All my bags are packed BUT I'm NOT ready to go.

I hate to say goodbye!

Pray for my safety. I'll be back in 14 days. Insya'allah.

geylang to desker

2006-03-15T23:56:00.000-08:00

Salam Alaik

Finally! Signed on the dotted line.

Half of the day today, spent with the 'u see! who start hitting who first' couple.

From Bukit Gombak, we went to Geylang.
At Geylang, meet up with my dear ladies for lunch. A very nice meet-up. More of this, when I come back, dear ladies?

We had so much food, cause yours truly wanted to eat everything she is/was/had/have been craving for. We had gado-gado, otak-otak, sate, rojak India, ice-kacang, gandus, rojak bandung. Semua sedap!
Rasa kenyang teramat walaupun belum habis makan. Tamak!

Not in picture is Hafiz, Ima, Een and Najib.
Should have taken a group picture. Lupalah. Sorry.

The new Geylang market, is much nicer now. More walking space, more variety of things under one mega roof and no more smelly stench. The tenants have to really maintain the cleanliness off the place. Or else, the uglier versions of mickey and minnie mouse will start making their way there. Nobody wants that to happen for sure.

Fun kan Lin naik 67? Jauh perjalan, luas pemandangan. =)

Next stop, Desker Road.
Was at Mustafa Centre.
Felt like, was shopping at India or Sri Lanka instead of Singapore.
And it has been 10 years since I last went to Mustafa. Betul, tak bohong.
After Mustafa, we made our way to Anggulia, then to ABM Restaurant. Yesss, eat again!

The legs ache after so much walking.
And yes, the packing has NOT started.

What do you expect from someone who really feels like backing out, cause she can't bear to leave her mak and other darlings behind?

timecheck: 0426 @ march 16.

taubah.

2006-03-14T23:59:00.000-08:00

Assalammualaikum

Tonight, I put aside one of my greatest phobia.
Went to Tan Tock Seng Hospital to visit my paternal grandfather, who is warded due to a fractured pelvic bone.
My dad, actually mistook an apek for his dad. Walked and stood beside the bed of the apek instead of his own dad. Hohoho.
We broke out into laughter. Sooo funny!
Sampai sakit perut seh, kiter ketawa. Ahakz.

We bid our goodbye to tok at 10pm. And what he said, when we were about to leave, crushed my heart into a hundred pieces.

Tok : Nanti jangan lupa kunci pintu tue, tutup gate. Kunci tue kau campak ajer.

???

He actually thought he was at home. And I was told by my Mum, he has been talking funny for the past few days, as reported by my other aunts and uncles. Like the other day, he asked my aunt whether there is a mosque nearby the hospital, because he frequently hears the azan. And my uncle related that, in the day my tok keep insisting that there's a bird by his window, when there is none.

O Allah! Grant him taubah first, before you take away his live... Amin

From what I hear from mak, there seem to be a lot of people who intend to send me off this Friday. I am only going away for 2 weeks, but my entourage seems to symbolize that I will be going off for 2 years.

Oh no! I predict that there will be a mini flood at Changi's Terminal 2, at around 1430. I hate goodbyes. =(

emotional

2006-03-12T23:58:00.000-08:00

Salam Alaik.

I have finally touched the bag that I will be bringing for the expedition.
And the key word in that previous sentence is 'touched'. Hehe.
Really lah...don't know why I am procrastinating this bad.
Eh, but I got my list ready. An improvement, nonetheless.

Tonight, I am feeling sad.
This heart is crying out for something.
The feeling is undescribable.
And as I am typing this, the tears are falling.

I feel so low, so, so low.
Like a trampled weed, on an open field.

"Allahumma, aku berlindung pada-Mu daripada rasa sedih dan gelisah."

"Ya Allah, yang membolak-balikkan hati, tetapkanlah hatiku atas
jalan-Mu, tetapkanlah hatiku pada ketaatan kepada Mu."

ALLAH did not promise that life would be easy, but HE did promise to go with you...every step of your life, with HIM by your side.

No, I have not found the love of my lifetime.
But, that's not what is making me sad. Really.

the kids.

2006-03-11T23:59:00.000-08:00

Peace Be Upon You

Ever since my uteh went to US, for a librarian's conference, I was asked to assist my mama to send 2 kids to school. One to PCF and the other to South View Pri Sch.

That kid in white, asked me to come back from my expedition on the 18th, 1 day after my departure. She said, 14 days is too long. And she said, she nak ikut. Maybe I can try, stuffing her small body into that bag eh... maybe muat. Hehehe.

The two sisters slept over yesterday. To entertain the kids, I dug out an old board game of mine, 'Hotel' and played till Yaya went bankrupt. It's a very nice, family board-game. Me and sis used to play a lot of it till we got bored with it and chuck it away in the storeroom. Hehe.

I always conquer the same chains of hotel, always take the very, very expensive ones. And I love playing with the kids cause I can cheat. Always roll the dice again, if I didn't get the number that I want.
Hehehehe.

I have not even touch the bag, or any of the clothes that I will be bringing for the expedition. Yikes!

And I have not done my Pergas homework!!! Arrrgh!
(Nothing new lah kan...)
10 hadith to copy, and I've not even done one! O oh!

My favourite MSN contact, on a holiday at ibu kota negeri semberang tambak.
Alaaaah... =(

lariam pills are yucky!

2006-03-10T23:59:00.000-08:00

Peace Be Upon You

I have zero semangat to start packing but I know I have to start soon. Am packing for 14 days, not the normal 3 days 2 night, holiday getaway-kinda packing.
I hate packing, it will only remind me that I am leaving, soon.
And saya will get sungguh emotional! Hati sebak. Tak suka lah!

Took my first Lariam pill today. 6 more to go.
And I have to whine about this lah....
Those pills are SOOOO expensive, ok!
$4.45 for 1 small pill!
And the taste is gross! Sipped sweet juice, to remove the aftertaste.

I paid the price. I better not get Malaria.
Insya'allah. Amin!

Dropped by IYAD just now, just to see Teacher Irliana.
And was delighted to see a 'stamping feet and screaming'
sweet Teacher Irliana.
Don't get me wrong, she was not screaming at the children, but instead, I think she was just overjoyed to see her friend (me) by the window of her workplace. Hehe.
I miss seeing her smiley face. =)

Listening to friends talk about their new working experiences, gives me the shiver. And now I know better, how difficult it is/was for my parents to bring back dollars, to run the family. Just so I would grow up fine, they went all out. I can never repay their kind deeds. I can never do that, no matter how hard I try. They did a looooooooooooot for me.
A LOT. Like really, really a lot. Alah, you get my point arh!

"TuhanKu ampunilah dosaku dan dosa kedua ibu bapaku serta Rahmatilah mereka. Peliharalah keduanya seperti mana mereka memeliharaku sewaktu ku kecil hingga ku dewasa. Amin.
Ya rabbal alamin."

food for the brain and soul

2006-03-05T23:59:00.000-08:00

Salam Alaik.

Food for the brain and the soul.
Guides.
Teaches.
Educates.

sick man on the loose.

2006-03-04T23:57:00.000-08:00

Salam Alaik.

POLICE found the naked body of a toddler matching the description of a missing 2-year-old girl under the Aljunied flyover on Saturday. The
30-year-old stepfather of Nurasyura Mohamed Fauzi, was arrested at the end of a 2 1/2-hour search.

Source: The Straits Time Interactive.

Revolting news.

Alhamdulillah, the kid has been found.

You are a sick man, step-dad.
Sick in the head.

I know you're innocent until proven guilty.
But I cannot stop myself from thinking this way.

I hope, I am wrong with my words, and no one killed the kid. But...

Haiz.
Fancy, killing a young live.
She is only 2. Helpless against a monster like you.

How evil can we human get?

Hey step-dad, how would you feel, if someone robbed you off your 1 year old son, and then decide to kill him. The way, you did on his half-sister, Asyura.

No point, asking you to ponder on that, I guess.
Humans like you, lack of brains and human-ly feelings. Sheesh!

I detest humans like you. You deserve to be locked up in jail.

Allah swt itu Maha Adil.

May you get your well-deserved just-pie.
May the guilt, haunt you for life.

For the poor innocent life...
Al-fatihah.

Dari Allah swt kita datang, kepada Allah swt kita kembali.

Semoga Allah swt mencucuri RahmatNya ke atas roh arwah.

Kepergian seorang kanak-kanak...syurga dijamin buatnya?
Insya'allah.

natata

2006-03-03T23:58:00.000-08:00

Peace Be Upon You.

Me and my mama dragged a very-hesitant child to school, earlier today.
She started crying from the house. We walked, sambil pujuk (coax) the sobbing little girl.

So cute, refused to have her photo taken, while she was sobbing.

Today is only her third day in nursery. So the crying part, is expected. Normal lah kan, all these sobbing and 'crocodile-tears'.

In this picture, she was actually asking my mama to bring her home, away from the evil school.(thats from me, not her)

Hehe.

Kids, kids....

In the past, I was like that too actually. Hehehe. Her reactions to school, are carbon copy of mine. Hehehe. =)

Shhhhhhhh!

I was forced to go into her school with her, cause she didn't want to enter the building without me in tow. Walked into the classroom. The teacher then picked her up, and I had to leave her, still wailing.

Separation anxiety.

So much for being a student teacher for 3 years. Still don't know how to apply my knowledge to my dear wailing cousin. But I can't do much actually, the teacher was not helpful too. Didn't tell what I could do with her, or how long I could actually stay with her in the classroom. The teacher did not even acknowledge my presence.

So, 'parent-unfriendly'. Tsk.

All smiles and laughter at 4pm, the time we left her school. Let her run wild at the playground for a good half an hour.

She deserves it! For pulling through, 3 hours of school. =)

Me : What's your name?
Her : Nur Umaiyah Na-tata.

Hahahaha.

Her real name is not that weird lah. It's Nur Umaiyah Natasha.
She is still very pelat.

Adorable.

tat emo-momo

2006-03-02T23:59:00.000-08:00

Salam Alaik.

I am feeling a tat emotional tonight.
Emotionally, sad.

I am not as strong as you think I am.
Physically, mentally, emotionally.

I do shed tears. I do feel hurt.

I might get touchy with your words, still.
Even though I might laugh it off, 99.9% of the time.

I am human, afterall.
Treat me the way, you want to be treated.

=)

On ikim.fm, the ustaz talked about a point to take into consideration to NOT feel depressed, all the time. And the point is to increase 'rasa syukur' or feeling of gratitude towards Allah's giving. Say your syukur more.
Constantly say alhamdulillah.

Why concentrate on the things that you do NOT have, instead of those that have been made available to you?

I read this blog. It's 2 march entry was really interesting, for me.
About us and our daily, 5 appointments with Allah swt.

I shall quote from her blog.
"Do we pray only when we need his Divine intervention?
When we are failing in almost everything in life?"

"Do we NOT pray because we don't want to remove the make-up we took 30 minutes to put on this morning?. Or we do not have the time and find it inconvenient?"

It's never too late, insya'allah.

O Allah! Make me a better practicing muslim.
I am at your Will.

kerlipan cinta

2006-03-01T23:59:00.000-08:00

Assalamualaikum.

Kinda funny how I actually dreamt of the stranger who added me to his friendster list. The stranger actually acknowledged my presence in the dream.

Harh. Must be spending too much time at friendster.

=) Hehe

My back is still aching. Argh!
Taking pills to subside the pain.

On a happier note, I will be meeting up with my girls tomorrow, a pity that Ulfah wont be able to join us.
We are having a pot-luck at Yana's. Yeah!
Glorious food plus good company. I like. =)

And Daya, it feels so good to know that you actually missed me. Hehehe.
Sungguh sweet.
___________, jangan jealous eh daya misses me lah, not you. Hehe.

===========================================

Aku masih menghitung diri...
Kesiangan yang panjang...
Ingin mengisi hati.

Padamu kasih, satukan aku,
Dengan rahmatmu.
Dengan Kalimah.
Malam Siangku,
Berliku-liku.
Duri Dugaan.
Siratan Cinta .

sob, sob.

waffle

2006-02-28T14:02:00.000-08:00

Assalammualaikum!!

Oven baked warm, crispy waffle with smooth macadamia ice cream laced with a generous amount of hershey's chocolate syrup.

Okay, wipe that drool of your chin. Hehe. =)

This simple dish is sungguh delicious, I tell ya.

On a totally unrelated story, I am suffering from an aching back.
I so feel like a nenek.

"Cu.... urut belakang nenek, cu...."

And now, I'm hungry.
I shall make myself another waffle with ice cream. =)

a meaningless entry.

fd

2006-02-24T23:59:00.000-08:00

Assalammualaikum!

Final Destination 3 at Bugis with my 2 gerempeng babes.
But before that, briyani ayam for dinner. And the best part is, its free, courtesy of The House of Briyani. Save $5 aku....hehehe. =)

FD 3 was gruesome, but the story line is way too cliche' now, since there was already FD 1 and 2. We pay to watch the characters get killed in unexpected manner. Cool. Hehehe. Sadistic, in a way.

And I should really remind myself, not to speak too loudly whenever I am making fun of someone's action in a, not-crowded train. hehe. bikin maluuuuu sik.

Oh yarh, I am actually typing this entry, on a Saturday morning, but I insist on posting it using Friday's date. Can rite?

And yes, I would like to make an announcement.
And it goes like this, "I hereby, declare myself, as MSN Messenger 7.5 and Adobe Photoshop CS2 most loyal user".

Hehehe.

That's all for now.

Favourite MSN contact, flying back home, in the day!
.
.
.
a little empathy, goes a long way ....

the past.

2006-02-23T21:24:00.000-08:00

Assalamualaikum,

excuse me, if you find me ultra boring, talking about the same topic over and over again, like a broken record. excuse me too, if you find me whiny. i am feeling all nostalgic, reminiscing the past. the past, that will not go on repeat mode, even if forced. the past that will remain in the past.

poly life is so different from secondary school life.
but, both i like. both i cherish.
friends i have made here, are much more memorable. and social circle is much wider here. i find myself more active in school, this time round.

was given lots of oppurtunity to lead, to be lead, to manage, to be spoon-fed and yet be independent here in the polytechnic. learnt life and communication skills that would be so useful for later.

despite me still wanting to be a student. pray that i don't have to repeat any modules. for if i do, i am doomed.

i am moving on. but i am bringing part of you along with me.

Listen to the song. Understand the lyric. Its making me teary-eye.

Ku imbas kembali waktu bersama,
Segala kenangan silam,
Bagai berlalu semalam.

Kini hanyalah tinggal kenangan,
Tiada ku rasa dalam genggaman.
Hanya terdaya mengimbas semua,
Kenangan yang lalu.

separation anxiety. *shivers.

i donno what to write

2006-02-22T23:59:00.000-08:00

Salam Alaik!

=============================================

keeping myself busy. good, good.

Mday - korean dining with the class babes. *burP!
Tday - rtrc's youngest + most nervous guest speakers. heh.
Wday - h20, burnt red-skin + awful meatless kimchi noodle.
Tday - date with briyani. walk2 at bugis? [plan aborted,sorry!]
Fday - school? what's the other plan, lin n yussy?

okay.i.donno.what.else.to.blog.about. really.

anyway....

my favourite msn contact. leaving on a jet plane.
bon voyage!

end of sch

2006-02-20T08:33:00.000-08:00

Peace Be Upon You,

I sent in my last assignment from NP to the office at 11.30am.
Returned the library books, before the student card go de-funct.
Pictures after pictures, at block 18.

I have reached the ending line of the marathon.

Still cannot accept the fact that, I am NOT going for a 1 month plus holiday and later meet up with my friends again. I'm still in a state of denial. Don't want to budge from this student status.

Today marked the end of my battle in NP.
(insya'allah, if there's NO failing of modules)

There will be no more 9am, 2pm lectures. No more complaining about the expensive and tasteless food in canteen 2. No more looking forward to lunches at SIM, whenever there's a long break. No more smuggling in breakfast and secretly eating them during morning lectures. No more having to scout around for the 6-seater table for the 8 of us. No more late-nights in school finishing up a soon-to-be due assignment. No more waking up at 8am and sms-ing the girls, about my absence from the 9am lecture. No more counting of the 30 and more assignments that we get each semester. No more whining about the HUGE amout of assignments we get every semester. No more skipping lectures and later counting the accumulated number of warning letters.

There are still many 'no-more'...

How can I not be sad?

No longer casting in the horror flick, 'the stressed up life of a student teacher'.

You made it all worthwhile...

v day? crap!

2006-02-14T23:59:00.000-08:00

May Peace Be Upon You,

Every February, across the country, candy, flowers, and gifts are exchanged between loved ones, all in the name of St. Valentine. But who is this mysterious saint and why do we celebrate this holiday? The history of Valentine's Day -- and its patron saint -- is shrouded in mystery. But we do know that February has long been a month of romance. St. Valentine's Day, as we know it today, contains vestiges of both Christian and ancient Roman tradition.

So, apakah hukum menyambut Hari St Valentine, kawan-kawan?

Kalau dah tak tahu, asal usul penyambutan Hari V ni, kenapa masih nak sambut?

Monkey see, monkey do, eh?

Dan jangan berani lemparkan kata-kata seperti, 'kolot' dan
'out-dated' kepadaku, hanya kerana diriku membentangkan perkara yang benar.

Kebenaran di matamu, mungkin satu fitnah di mataku.

green-eyed jealous monster

2006-02-12T23:58:00.000-08:00

Peace Be Upon You,

Am an ugly, green-eyed, jealous momok!

It's not wrong to be jealous. I am sure of that. BUT it's really ridiculous to be jealous and crying my heart out, over that matter. So foolish and immatured.

Being so emotionally-tied to something that is uncertain.
Bodoh kan, namanya tue?

I shall take in whatever that comes my way. Insya'allah, happiness will make it's way here, pretty soon. =)

Sporadically, it's fine to experience sadness. If, sadness has never been felt, one will never know the true meaning of happiness. So, alhamdulillah, for the equal amount of happy and sad moments in life.

Allah swt will answer to my prayers (insya'allah).
For now, it's: "He says wait and gives u the best."

=)
-------------------------------------------------------------------
Tag replies.

a. elitez : I really don't deserve a nice friend like you. Too nice for me. Hehe. =)
Thank you for your sweet sms-es the other day. And thank you for periodically checking on me. Thank you.

b. yussy : Thank you makcik, for offering to listen to me. Thank you also for the words of 'congrats'. =)

c. ima : Ima! Because of friends like you, I am still sane. Only you, faithfully listens and advices. Thank you ima! =)

d. passerby : Hopefully, it will be like that ya. Thank you for ur tag. =)

hurt 1

2006-02-10T23:57:00.000-08:00

Peace Be Upon You,

Koh said, "good...good, very good"
And Agnes went, "Congratulations! bla bla bla......
Keep your 21 February free, alright!"
=]
----------------------------------------------------------------------
Ya Allah!
Seandainya telah engkau takdirkan,
Dia bukan milikku,
Bawalah dia jauh dari pandanganku,
Luputkanlah dia dari ingatanku,
Dan peliharalah aku dari kekecewaan.
----------------------------------------------------------------------
The short messages in her handphone, tells it all.
=(

I fell, too fast, too fast.
So, before things get complicated, tear glands all empty and my heart goes burst...

I need you out of my system, right about now.

True LOVE is worth the wait... insya'allah.

listen to my plight

2006-02-08T01:12:00.000-08:00

Salam Alaik!

Went to school on 6th Feb 06', reached home on 7th Feb 06'.
Went to school on 7th Feb 06', reached home on 8th Feb 06'.

Been spending more than 12 hours out of the house.
Nowadays, mum only cooks for 3, since I am never home for dinner.

And it has been days since I last talk to sis and dad.
They went out to work, before I wake up. And already in bed, when I get back.

Today is already the 8th, and my last day of class would be the 20th. So, 12 more days only!!! MUST hold on tight. Can do it!!!! Positive thinking*, yeah!
----------------------------------------------------------------------
Ku mengharap hanya pada yang menyinta
Ku merindu hanya pada yang mengasih
Ku memohon hanya pada mu Ilahi
Moga diberkati jalinan yang suci

Ku bersandar hanya pada mu Kekasih
Pimpin diri ini ke arah yang pasti
----------------------------------------------------------------------
No one to share my happiness with.

Care to listen to my plight?
Anyone???

=(

sakit hati

2006-02-07T01:15:00.000-08:00

Those messages. When I read it. I felt, an immense sharp tug, in my heart.

Since the present is such....

Hmmmm......
I guess, it's not that wise to bid my past, goodbye, yet.
Maybe, I should still work on the past.
Yes, maybe.

I badly want the present to work out. But I should be realistic in my dreams too, rite?

So, I am being realistic here, when I say; I should slowly delete all hopes and dreams of you. :)

Hurtful, but a MUST-do.
---------------------------------------------------------------
Alhamdulillah. All praises to Allah swt for that piece of news from Kak Masturah at 12.09pm. She informed me of something, I've been wanting to hear.

All happy. But reality is sinking in, hard. I am going to be a 'student-no-more' soon. Haiz, I am not ready to be an adult lah... Never will be, I think. Hehehe.

But still, Alhamdulillah.

May this path, be the right one and hopefully the most perfect one for me.
Insya'allah, ameen.
--------------------------------------------------------------
The form has been sent. 14 days away from home, may it do good for me.

Missing the family, is for sure.
Missing you, _________________________.

"Will not miss someone, who doesn't misses me in return."

forgetting

2006-01-30T10:11:00.000-08:00

May Peace Be Upon You,

My maternal-side of the family is now at ECP, picnic-ing. And I am at home, 'curi pakai' my sister's laptop. I know my grandparents and aunts are disappointed that I chose not to turn up for the family outing. But I cannot force myself to smile and enjoy the day, when actually my heart is crying. I need time off from some things, but especially from her and her.

I thought she would be the most understanding one. Will understand all my woes.
But it wasn't the case yesterday. She said "bising lah!", when I kept sniffling to keep my tears down.
Hati mana yang tak akan remuk.....

You are my best friend, my pillar of support.
But why are you so insensitive nowadays?

Or maybe it's just me? Am I being overly sensitive?

I don't know. And I have no answers to all these.

Maybe, I'm fated to help but not be helped.

I am tired. Emotionally-tired.

And now I am braving the storm alone. All alone. Only tears and hope, accompanying me through this journey.

Everytime my thoughts are on you, the tears never fail to appear.
But how sad, __________________________
Now, I know for sure, I mean nothing to you.
So, I guess, its only apt for me to start forgetting...

And this song? how PERFECT.

badly want it to happen

2006-01-21T23:59:00.000-08:00

Salam Alaik!

Sent my application form for the SNO post, at noon.
"kalau ada rezeki, adalah yerr..."
Applied for it, so that I would have more career options after graduation. And truth be told, I am not applying, just for the sake of applying, or for the fun of it.
Making and creating changes in young lives, has always been my dream.
And NO, my application was NOT 'a monkey-see, monkey-do' affair.

What will happen after February 20?

Relief teaching at IYAD? Sounds nice.
14 days in Cambodia? Life-changing experience. Interesting.
Glitz and glamour at ECH prom? Not that appealing.
Physically-challenged at Selangor? Hmmmm, not my cup of tea.

Give me YOUR guidance, Ya Ilahi!

---------------------------------------------------------------

i badly want it to happen.
i badly want _____ to be the one.

i secretly 'doa' that it will come true.

But this heart and everything else, is saying that it will NOT happen.

All hope is not lost, though...

But for now, with my head hung low.
I leave my issues and matters of the heart to my Benefactor, my Creator,
Allah swt.

menidakkan perasaan yang hadir. tak semudah yang disangka...

lonely duckling.

2006-01-20T23:57:00.000-08:00

Peace Be Upon You,

Even with a thousand friends.
One could still feel lonely.

Even when promises has been made, to always be there.
One might still have to brave the storm alone.

ugly ducking grows up to be uglier duckling.
what happened to the happily-ever-after ending?
a pack of lies?
.
.
.
now, lonely uglier duckling.

tired of falling

2006-01-19T23:59:00.000-08:00

Peace Be Upon You,

i am tired of falling and picking up myself.
but, until the right one comes...
i guess, i have to get use to this.

i am not desperate.
i just have feelings.

i am not paranoid.
i am just being conscious.

aku mencintaimu lebih dari yang kau tahu.
meski kau tak akan pernah tahu. =)

bukan cinta, belum sebenarnya cinta, tapi perasaan yang seakan itu.

lenyapkanlah perasaan dan harapan yang ada.
cubalah.
cubalah......

jealousssssssss

2006-01-18T23:17:00.000-08:00

Peace Be Upon, all!

i know i am NOT supposed to be jealous....
BUT, i AM!!!!!

why?????

arrrrrrrhh!

i am giving mysef unnecessary s.t.r.e.s.s!

when was the last time, u said u miss me?

pupus

2006-01-16T22:51:00.000-08:00

Salam Alaik!

Aku tak mengerti, apa yang kurasa.
Rindu yang tak pernah, begitu hebatnya.
Aku mencintaimu lebih dari yang kau tahu.
Meski kau tak akan pernah tahu.

Baru kusadari...
Cintaku bertepuk sebelah tangan.
Kau buat remuk seluruh hatiku....

---------------------------------------------------------------------

wow. the lyric to this song, is just plain powerful.

minus hope plus negative thoughts, perfect!

now, let's start creating that nightmarish fairytale.

haha.

anticipating for the moment, this heart, gets _______ again
haha haha haha haha haha haha haha
one confused and sadistic lady, with the matters of the heart

itulah sayang...

2006-01-15T03:33:00.000-08:00

Peace Be Upon You,

Tanya sama pokok,
"Apa sebab goyang?"
Nanti jawap pokok..
"Angin yang goncang."

Tanya sama langit,
"Apa sebab hujan?"
Nanti jawap langit..
"Tanyalah awan."

Awan nanti kata,
"Aku kandung air,
Sampai tempat sejuk..
Aku pun cair."

Lihat dalam air,
Nampak bayang-bayang..
Campak satu batu,
Bayang pun hilang.

Tanya sama hati,
"Apa sebab sayang?"
Adakah tandanya..
Nampak dipandang?

Kumbang rayu bunga,
Bulan dan bintangnya,
Punya tanda-tanda,
Hubungan mesra.

Tanya sama hati,
"Pernahkah merindu?"
Ingat masa lena..
Apa mimpimu?

Masa berjauhan,
Apa nan dikenang?
Bila difahamkan..
Itulah sayang.

Jikalau tidak kerana sayang,
Kuntuman kasih tak mungkin kembang..

Andainya jemu mengganti rindu,
Jambangan mesra tentulah layu...

------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

It's the lyric that I've been wanting to find! Great!
But if only, I could get hold of the sound file as well.

Eh, 5 more weeks to the end of school.
I am oh-so scared, thinking about it.

Turning 21, ending my career as a student.
Soon, I have to start acting more like an adult and start
shouldering 'adult-ly' responsibilities too.
That's boring! I will no longer be under the comfortable blanket of the education system.
Haiz....

And why-oh-why, pakciks @ old malay men, are getting more gatal nowadays? Is there any reason behind this?
I have enough of all these 'assalammualaikum, tak jawap berdosa'- crap. Loadsss of bull! I personally can't stand it anymore. I feel soooo disgusted by their acts. Eeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee!
Dah tua, tak sedar diri....

Eh, but not all pakciks are like that lah..... Cannot generalize them all.
To those super-gatal pakciks, my one last sentence for them,
"pick someone your own age, cause we are NOT and NEVER will be interested".
Thanks ya!

"Moga ALLAH swt memberi petunjuk kepada semua umat ISLAM di muka bumi ini."

i want a baby!

2006-01-11T23:14:00.000-08:00

Salam Alaik!

i am too caught up with assignments, iep sessions, project discussions & late night msn sessions with =) , that I forgot that there is MORE than just all that, in my life.

i miss my crapping session at al-ameen with the friends.
i miss those times.
i miss being called comel.
haiz.

i was reminded of those good ol' times, when i had my
breakfast + lunch + dinner with daya, hakim and hafiz at Pizza Hut, this evening.
hakim, thanks for the treat ya!

sesungguhnya ku amat rindu akan masa-masa merepekku bersama kalian.

haha. so drama-mama. overrr.

--------------------------------------------------------------------

in the bus, a lady with a baby girl sat in front of me.
a family with 2 girls and 1 baby boy, sat on my right.

something was tugging at my heart.

hmmm. why?

i have no answer to that question, really.

i just felt ____________________.
i think i am ________________________.

O ALLAH! Would you grant me your lowly servant, a chance to be in that situation?
Cuddling a young life, I can call my ________.

super-mum?
i doa for that.
insya'allah

sick.

2006-01-03T23:59:00.000-08:00

may peace be upon you.

air-con is off.
and the pink sweater is out of the cupboard.
i'm cold and yet i'm hot, all at the same time.
the nose is sooo blocked that i didn't get to savour the taste of my own cooking, nasi goreng adabi. haiz.

serba tak kena. gelisah dibuatnya.

this is not the right time to get sick. not when assignments are piling up and deadlines getting nearer. but, it's better i get sick now, than later. so, alhamdulillah.

---------------------------------------------------------------------

i just have this weird feeling that, our friendship would end,
the way my past one did.
you, coming with that heart-breaking, sad news, which will leave me broken....
haiz. =(
i am NOT hoping for it to come through, BUT... i can't help thinking about it.

and yeah, sesungguhnya ALLAH swt yang lebih mengetahui.

hambaMU ini pasrah.

slave or skive?

2006-01-02T05:48:00.000-08:00

Salam alaik!

Questions with no definite answer.

Who's slaving?

and

Who's skiving?

www.ineedyourundividedattention.com
i'm in need of a personal care-bear.

malu.

2005-12-31T23:59:00.000-08:00

di dalam kesibukan ku mengejar dunia,
ku melupakanMU.

ku ingkar akan suruhanMU,
ku abaikan ajaranMU.

walaupun begitu, diriMU tidak pernah melupakanku.
memberiku nikmat yang tiada henti.

diriku malu.
menadah tangan kepadaMU hanya bila perlu.

mengapa diriku jadi begini?

ingat akan diriMU hanya bila dalam kealpaan.
lupa akan diriMU bila masa dalam gembira.

Ya Ilahi....
hambaMU ini malu dengan perangainya sendiri.

a muslim celebrates maal hijrah @ islamic new year every 1 Muharram.
31st dec as a new year?? hmmm....we'll leave that to the rest.

....

2005-12-30T23:50:00.000-08:00

salam alaik.

i'm a major disappointment to myself, family and friends.
i keep disappointing. i am disappointed with dear self.

workload is getting unbearable.
iep, eop, ampyc, lecs, eop. shoots!
and to top it on, i have other commitments too.
meeting, consolidating figures, reports, meeting, reports

i wish time would just stand still and grant me a chance to sort myself.
let me catch my breath.
i'm getting breatheless.
soon, i'll be too tired to continue with this race.
too tired to even care.

i heard several news about a certain someone,
courtesy of a certain someone.
and yes, once again, i'm disappointed.
were u just being selfish or did u just plain forget?
i would like to assume that it's the latter and not the other.

i'm taken aback by one particular news.
but i'm still determined.
if fate has it written that i'll be earning there, i will.
so let's just give it a shot, alright.
"rezeki ada di mana-mana"

fah-fah, kudos to you, for an entry, so well written.
entry: about the ech society.

and you. =)

signing off,
a disappointed friend/student teacher

hurt

2005-12-22T15:01:00.000-08:00

Peace Be Upon You,

can't stop thinking about it.

will i be in the same situation again?
the situation, 9 months ago.
still fresh, in mind.
don't want to go through the same hurtful process, yet again.
but...
if i have to, i have to.

it takes two to tango.
so would you tango with me?

What's the problem?
I don't know.
Well maybe I'm in love.
Think about it every time,
Can't stop thinking 'bout it.

How much longer will it take to cure this?
Just to cure it cause I can't ignore it if it's love.
Makes me wanna turn around and face me,
but I don't know nothing 'bout love.

Love and it's bitter after-taste and painful side effects. Haiz.

emotional mondays

2005-12-12T22:41:00.000-08:00

emotional mondays.

mondays have always been emotional.
this monday, is no exception.

"i guess, u just cannot hear it in my voice, and see it in my eyes."

the pain behind this smile. only a handful can detect.
and only a few can truly appreciate it.

i am sad that i dissapoint u time and again.
i am never good at this.
and maybe, i never will.

............................................................................................................

it is heart-wrenching.
that i have come to a state where, i am denying all that is good.

if u say i'm pretty. i say, u're blind.
if u say that u miss me. i say, u're lying.

mixed of emotions.

i am so in the mood to cry.

so how?

tanpamu disisi aku kerinduan

2005-11-29T23:30:00.000-08:00

Salam Alaik!

"tahukah engkau betapa hebat cintaku?
tanpamu disisi aku keresahan..."

"tahukah engkau betapa hebat cintaku?"
tanpamu disisi aku kerinduan..."
.
.
.

my heart can only take that much of missing u.

.
.
.
rindu itu adalah anugerah dari ALLAH.
insan yang berhati nurani, punyai rasa rindu.

the door to my heart

2005-11-28T23:01:00.000-08:00

Salam Alaik!

Hey Stranger!!!

Were you the one knocking at my door?
The door to my heart...

Were you the one who said sweet nothings just so that I would let you in?
Were you the one who begged for entry?
Were you the one who was concerned when I told you my door just won't budge?
Were you the one who promised an eternity, till the door finally opens?

So why are you asking to leave now?
After I've let you in, to a room in my heart...

Why now, stranger?
Why now?
After I've placed you somewhere special in my heart.

Do you think it was easy for me to actually open the door?

And now that you're leaving... who would occupy that empty room in my heart?
Why did you have have to create the void?

WHY? WHY? WHY?

..........................................................................................................

Don't say you love, when you mean otherwise.
You're hurting an innocent live with those meaningless words of yours.
What goes around, comes around.

Janji ALLAH!

(story was created, and has no connection with me or my life)
am just inspired by what someone is going thru rite now.

and as for me, life seems good for now. alhamdulillah. =]

wet friday

2005-11-26T04:16:00.000-08:00

Assalammualaikum...

Everytime I watch 'The Biggest Loser', my heart aches.
My eyes get blurry with tears, whenever a participant talks about his/her's life experience or his/her's determination to shed those kilos. I feel for them. I know what they are going through. It's not easy for me to live in a society like ours, where the concept of beauty has been narrowed down to, thin, slim, stick-figure models.
I always get hurt by words of insensitive human.
If only you knew, how it feels like to be me...
IF only you knew.

O Allah! Give me the strength that I need...

..........................................................................................................

Dear Self,

Life is not all about finding love. Especially not just love from the opposite sex. There's more to it in life, then just seeking for love. Prioritizing is the magic word.

You are sent down to Earth with a mission in life. Ask yourself, are you doing what you're supposed to? Are you ready for
'THE DAY'. The DAY, the final DAY, the DAY where no sons will recognize their mother and no father will recognize their own daughter. The DAY, where one is for one's self.

God is GREAT. May HE forgive us for all our wrongdoings. Amin.

........................................................................................................

yesterday, was a wet Friday. u know, i know, why...

after a drizzle there will be a rainbow.
and after a volcano eruption there will be fertile soil.
basically, good things after a 'bad' one.
let's be positive. we can do it. yes we can!
yakin boleh! BOLEH!

yang indah tidak selalunya hanya sementera.
ianya bisa berkekalan jika dijaga dengan rapi.

jangan ada dusta di antara kita.
bisa ya?
janji ya?

..........................................................................................................

permintaan ku hanya satu.
bila masanya tiba....
jujurlah padaku bila kau tak lagi suka,
tinggalkanlah aku bila tak mungkin bersama.

all is great for now, alhamdulillah.
nothing is for sure. but am thankful for the sweet, precious moments now. i am loving it.
thank you ALLAH swt.

kalian pembelot.

2005-11-20T23:57:00.000-08:00

Peace Be Upon You,

dear readers,
have u ever missed anyone, just anyone, till ur heart aches?
haiz. tres painful.

the art of self control. a skill i am trying to master, but in vain.
i can never resist the temptations that come my way.
why, am i so weak?

u remember the small little details, i tell u. i am impressed.
u seem to express care and concern but......
u could be caring and concerned to just about anyone.
so, why am i getting all excited nie? stupid.

do not lead me on, if you do not plan to stay to continue leading.

quit playing games with this fragile heart of mine, thank you. =)
.
.
.(no relation to above entry)
.
.
alah...weekdays is here again. back to lectures, tutorials,
project discussionsssss and morning mad rush.
bosan lah!

assignment deadlines approaching.
tests, and more testsss too.

-----------------------------------------

kalian seakan pembelot. aku benci kalian.

wo xiang ni.

2005-11-18T23:59:00.000-08:00

wo hen xiang nie!
zhen der!!!!

can not bear with the pain, much longer.
heart's aching. aching. aching.

sms that made me cry.

2005-11-15T23:59:00.000-08:00

assalammualaikum,

the sms that came 30 minutes after midnite, made me cry.
cried for at least 3 minutes. with sobs and all.
and with a big, wide grin too.
haha.
i felt soooo foolish. haha.

felt way better after the tears had been shed.

paranoia. tsk.

-can love be measured by the hours in a day? -

i love talking about love. got a problem with that?

u told me to miss u.

2005-11-14T23:53:00.000-08:00

Salam Alaik!

u told me to miss you.
i am doing just that.
but its hurting me a lil.

i do not favour weekdays. really. ='(

kakak said, absence makes the heart grow fonder.
and i totally agree with her.

ya allah, pemberi nikmat rasa cinta...
ku pohon keredhaan dariMU.

yes, i know i am fat.

2005-11-13T18:13:00.000-08:00

May Peace Be Upon You,

I need to put a stop to this.
Need you to be less insensitive.

Yah believe it or not, I already know that I am fat.

So what if I didn't lose weight over Ramadhan. SO what?
Is that what Ramadhan is for?
A month for FATTY bom-bom to shed those extraaaaa kilos?

Hey, try to accept me the way I am.
It's not easy having to carry this extra kilos.
The humiliation and the pain.

You despise the sight of it, and so do I.

It's not that I am not trying....
Haiz, actually I DO NOT need to explain things...

My advice, just be MORE sensitive to people's feelings the next time you open your God given mouth. Thanks.

**************************************************

Babes!!! Jalan Raya was oh so fun lah!
Must have it again next year ya!
The food, the picture-taking, the tres noisy heels. =)

And excos, had a fun time with you guys too. =)
Fik, thank you for driving your car instead of riding the bike.

=) , i am so glad you're here.
even though there is no way i can tell, whether u're staying permanently or ...
i am just glad u're here for now.
thank you =) .
thank you Allah swt.

gone for a while

2005-11-05T23:58:00.000-08:00

Assalammualaikum!

I am officially down with ZERO mood to blog.

Salam Eid Mubarak to all deserving Muslims, all over the world.
Maaf zahir dan batin!

miss me, while i'm gone.

malay-malu

2005-10-25T23:59:00.000-07:00

Peace Be Upon You,

"O Allah! Let me NOT be satisfied with my ibadah, for it will only make me complacent".

On the news at Suria just now, it was reported that a 22 year old Melayu guy, died after falling from the 3rd storey of Orchard Cineleisure. He was running away from off-duty policemen who were chasing him after he snatched a handbag from a woman. *tsk, tsk* malu-melayu.
Nah, don't have to sue me for racial discrimation or watever not. i belong there too.
No wonder I always berangan to be someone from a different race, from that I belong to, actually. Haiz.

What was I suppose to feel, after hearing that news?
Robbing in Ramadhan?
By a fellow muslim (his name sounds perfectly muslim) brother?
Astaghfirullah!
Innalillah wa inna illah hirajiun.
Semoga Allah swt mencucuri RahmatNya ke atas si mati.

Ramadhan is leaving us behind, pretty fast.
8 MORE days, and that's IT.
Hope that everyone is in high spirits, not only by looking forward to celebrating Hari Raya but also in performing our fast and religious deeds to the best that we've ever done throughout our lives. Insya'allah. Ameen!

Find for 'Laylatul Qadr', on odd nights of the last 10 nights of Ramadhan.

presence of 'The Subtle One'. alhamdulillah.

byebye laptop!

2005-10-19T11:50:00.000-07:00

Bismillah.

That gadget died on me yesterday. Just when I already got the semangat to blog daily. Clumsy me, dropped my laptop and now laptop dearest shows a blank screen when switched on.
Sedih yang teramat sangat.... I really sayang my laptop tau.
My dear friends should know how very attached I am with my laptop.
I was so traumatized by the incident that I forced myself to sleep, eventhough it was only 11pm. And that explained why I was not online at MSN yesterday [18.10.05].

Now I'm browsing through HP's website, to get an address where I can send my laptop for repair. This website stinks lah! Loaded with information but not user-friendly. I've been clicking on links and still can't get the information that I'm looking for. Every word that is there seems soooo not-related to my problem.
Okay, FINALLY, I got what I need. I need to get myself to Alexandra Park. Gosh! That's far and I'm not familiar with the place. Somebody teman me please...

Alaaaaaah... why was I THAT clumsy. Now I need to fork out $$$ for the laptop repair and above all I could lose all my tres important documents (pictures!!!) that are in that laptop!
Argh!!! Frustrating!!!!

Conversation of Emilia, 4 (far right) with my Mak Ngah (her nenek).
Emilia wakes up one morning, crying.
Emilia : Nenek, Emi mimpi Tok Hitam (my Pak Ngah) mati.
Emilia : Nenek telefonkan Tok Hitam. Emi nak cakap dengan dia. (still sobbing)

I was touched by her words. Simply touched. She is only 4 and yet her words are laced with much love for her grandparent.
The pure innocence of a child, I truly adore.

PS: Will still be online and blogging, thanks to sis's laptop.

a sneak peek.

2005-10-18T17:50:00.000-07:00

Assalammualaikum!

Count yourself lucky, I am giving you a sneak-peek to my 'grand le' grand' (nothing near that, actually) outfit for Hari Raya. It's not that I semangat naaaah nak raya. It's just that my outfit is ready and I just feel like blogging about it. Itu pun tak boleh ker?

At first, I thought of wearing a white tudung with the outfit, but mak says white does not go with the colour of the outfit. I thought white is like a 'universal colour', anything goes with white? Entahlah ehh... She wants me to put on a light pink tudung with that outfit. What do you people think? Stick to white or go with light pink?

I'm really going PINK this year. Pink outfit with matching pink bag, which I got at the Geylang bazaar yesterday.
Cantik lah tu..... hehe.

I want to settle my outfit for raya, as soon as possible.
Malas nak difikirkan lama-lama.
Anyway, aren't you glad that you have something new to wear for this raya? You MUST be.
Sedara-mara kita di Somalia, Pakistan, Darfur, tiada kelebihan seperti ini. Sedih.

Alhamdulillah.
Syukur ku ke hadrat Ilahi di atas segala nikmat yang telah diberi.

geylang - part 2

2005-10-17T23:59:00.000-07:00

May Peace Be Upon You,

**Geylang, sipaku geylang,
Geylang, si rama-rama.

Pulang, marilah pulang, marilah pulang bersama-sama.
Pulang, marilah pulang, marilah pulang bersama-sama. **

Yeap, was at Geylang, again, for the second time, with the girls, this time round.
We went on a go-see, to find Ulfah a nice, sweet, plain, white baju kurung.
Settling for the plain telekung, Ulfah?
No? Hehehehe.

What is on sale at the bazaar is basically the same,ol' things.
They had selendangs, baju kurung, kebaya modern, shoes, bags, brooches, songkoks, kueh raya, stick-stick, my all time-favourite deng-deng (or also pronounced as 'dang-dang' by kak yus), kebab, keropok lekor, Turkish ice-cream, and the list goes on and on, from Yew Tee to Chua Chu Kang. Hehe.

And my girls brought my attention to that pair of dolly-dearest. Aiyoh! Freaked me out big time. It looks scary lah!
Dolls are supposed to look cute and cuddly, but not this pair, which hovers over your head, like some demon-child.
Imagine Chuckie and his bride. Eeeeeeeeeeeee!

And when you're down at Geylang, anytime soon, do me a favour. Look up at those dangling light-display and tell me, what are actually those things which looks like the Indian's milk-pot.
Lampu colok? Baldi air? Lantern?
Apa seh????

Nak pergi Geylang lagi lah.
I want to get those shoes. The pink one by the roadside, the denim one at Tanjong Katong, the white beaded 'Aladdin' shoes from the bazaar, the black sequined one and the beige with the brass-buckle one from Joo Chiat.
And I want to buy that 'Sakratul-Maut' CD too! Looks scary but... it should be educational.
Hmmmm...

Haiz.... banyaknya benda yang mahu dibeli.... nafsu, nafsu.

Perlukah aku bercinta ?
Andai hidup berteman air mata.
Biarkan saja aku bersendiri.
Usah kau memandang wajahku lagi.
~~~jiwang sey....

love, love and more love.

2005-10-16T23:26:00.000-07:00

Salam Alaik!

Why of a gazillion number of topics to talk about, I always tend to talk about L.O.V.E?
Love, love, love and MORE love!
It makes me sound lovesick.
Mabuk, dipukul dek gelombang cinta... Hehe. Kelakar.

But love is not only love for the opposite sex.
Don't be narrow-minded lah!
There's Love for God Almighty, family, friends...
Yada, yada...
I love talking about love cause almost everyone who has a heart, can relate to it.
Betul tak?

L.O.V.E, I love you and you love me.
L.O.V.E, that's the way it should be!

For a clearer view, CLICK!

"i'm glad u've realized ur mistake.
but it's all too late now.
i gave u my heart, and u mishandled it.
goodbye past! i've moved on.
it's no longer about you...
*sob* *wipes imaginary tears...*

impossible- not.

2005-10-15T23:26:00.000-07:00

Assalammualaikum!

I don't have 100% control of my life. La'...
I believe God Almighty has made a nice life plan for us.
And what is within the plan? Wallahu'alam.
You wished, you knew.
I wished, I knew. But then again, it's better left untold...

To err is human.
And being human, I admit that I made many mistakes in life.
I'm guilty as charged.

"O son of Adam, so long as you call upon Me and ask of Me, I shall forgive you for what you have done, and I shall not mind. O son of Adam, were your sins to reach the clouds of the sky and were you then to ask forgiveness of Me, I would forgive you. O son of Adam, were you to come to me with sins nearly as great as the earth and were you then to face Me, ascribing no partner to Me, I would bring you forgiveness nearly as great as it. "
-Hadith Qudsi-

Masya'allah!!!! Thank you Allah!

Ukhti Nadiah, thank you for the sms.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Is it possible to fall for someone that you've known for less than 2 months?
Is it wrong to fall for someone that fast?
**(Makcik will sure be SCREAMING a BIGFAT NO!)

Nothing is impossible. Rite?

Must be part of Allah's plan.

Diriku ini mesti sangka baik....senantiasa.
Semoga Allah memberi petunjuk.
Amin.

To have a clearer view, please click.

Thanks to Ukhti Nadiah, yet again....for the images of the muslimin and the muslimah. Syukran!

too lazy

2005-10-14T23:15:00.000-07:00

May Peace Be Upon You,

It's not me being lazy, but it's just me no longer having the interest and the motivation to blog.
Should I close this blog down?
Nah... should just let it remain like this.
There's nothing much to be talked about, seriously.
If I were to blog everyday, I will be saying the same thing over and over again.
And you don't want that, do you?

*excuses lah.....*

Time passes by really fast. You agree?
We've been fasting for 10 days already.
There's only 19 days of Ramadhan left.
There's STILL 19 days of Ramadhan left.
So why do I see houses with 'lampu lap lip' switched on?
Buang current jer, sungguh...!
Tak tahu ker mereka yang electricity charges dah naik?
And NTUC Fairprice at Yew Tee has started playing 'Hari Raya' songs. Pleaseeee lah! I'm not an Aidilfitri Grinch, but...it's way too early to play raya songs.

Been photoshop-ing a lot.

Check out the rest, here.

Barikillah humma lana fi shahri Ramadhan!

SOFea

2005-10-03T23:33:00.000-07:00

Peace Be Upon You,

That is Sofea, an American. She is 2.
Met and played with her during the Art Exibition, last Sunday.
Georgous babe.

Mampukah aku menjadi seorang wanita solehah?
Seperti Siti Sarah, Siti Aishah, Siti Fatimah, Siti Hajar?
Khatijah isteri Rasulullah?
Ya Allah! Berikan hambamu ini kekuatan untuk mejadi seperti mereka.

i miss a certain someone, and that certain someone doesnt realize it.
it saddens me. =(

he called!

2005-09-30T23:56:00.000-07:00

Wanita,
Bukan diciptakan dari tulang kepala,
Untuk dijunjung,
Bukan pula diciptakan dari tulang kaki,
Untuk dinjak-injak.

Tapi...

Wanita,
Diciptakan dari tulang rusuk laki-laki,
Yang dekat ke lengan untuk dilindungi,
Dan dekat ke hati untuk dicintai.

You startled me with the call.
A sweet, surprise...

a splendid lunch!

2005-09-28T22:24:00.000-07:00

Salam Alaik!

On Monday, had an enjoyful time with the 7 girls...
As the main organizer of the event, I thank every single one of you for making time for the picnic. And yussy dear, now you know how 'much' food we need to get when we serve 8 girls? From now on, when it comes to food and quantity, we will just leave it to me to handle, orait? Hehe. *tsk,tsk*

So babes, when will we meet again? The first day of school or before that?
And Avneet, have a safe flight yar! Bhangra hard when you're there!

Tuesday. Thank you E'en and Taufik for accompanying me to Majid Darussalam and Al-Ameen. Looks like things are on the bright side. Insya'allah, we will get them to sponsor us for our Iftar. Insya'allah!!!

Black spider, lychee and banana shake for us.

Had lunch at Figs and Olive today. Thank you for the treat, mr smiley!
And don't forget to pay them my bill tomorrow. Hehehe.